Crumbs

It just hit me.
Maybe the craziest sign I’ve ever experienced.

I don’t know if you believe in signs.
I don’t know if I do either.
But listen.

Like everyone else, I’m going through some shit.
A very specific scenario with uncertainty baked into it.
And sadness. Inevitable, waiting.

I eat in my sleep.
And in the morning I always bring the remnants back to the kitchen. Like a ritual.
A little carb-filled responsibility
A habit i picked up from my father. 

That morning, yesterday, it was tortilla chips.
with melted cheese from the microwave, because that’s a requirement.

6:15am, halfway to the kitchen, I tripped and hit the floor.

Bruised knee. Head spinning.
One moment to check for serious injuries.

I was fine.

So the tears came.
Flooding and pitiful
The kind of tears that feel personal when you’re already hanging by a thread.

That’s how it happens sometimes.
The world will push you into collapse just to get it over with

So i sat, on the floor crying on a monday morning 

Crumbs painted the floor.
The top of Matzoh’s litter box.
Under the shelf in the corner.

I started to gather as much as I could
I didn’t have time nor the capacity.
But I did my best.

I filled my hands
as the tears continued…

Then I made my coffee.
Took a shower.
Got dressed.

&

The day was terrible.

And the situation
the one I couldn’t stop thinking about, worked itself out in a strange way.
Not a full resolution. Not the kind you’d put a bow on.
But closure nonetheless.

It’s now the following night. The chips incident had since faded into the background.

Until just now, when I felt a crunch under my heel
and as I bent down, the whole thing clicked as I realized

I had let the chips fall where they may.