Never On Mute 

“Take it, you beautiful little thing.”

No response required. I do what I know needs to be done.
I go where you put me.
I comply on mute. 

Noises that are unfounded.
Moans that release without being pre empted. 

A smile creeps across your face because you know that it is the most silent of moments that render the best behavior. 

“Remember yesterday, on the phone? When you told me to say what I had to say? When you were all commanding and so self assured?”

The moment immediately comes back to me. I remember, I was driving home with you on the phone and in the middle of the conversation, you paused. I asked if you were on mute. A pause ensued that held tension just a touch longer than need be before you answered in a measured fashion, as you do…

“No. I’m here.”

In other words… you were thinking and I interrupted. 

Shit. I shouldn’t have interrupted.

And in that moment, on the phone, you let out a sigh. A very specific noise. One that only I recognize… a growl of disapproval because my question, the one which in the tiniest of ways undermined you, was enough for you to lose your train of thought. I knew better. You know I knew better, too.

I knew we would be revisiting that topic though. That moment. The one where I questioned you. 

“Yes, Daddy. I remember”
“You remember when you interrupted Daddy? Such a big girl you are, huh?.”
“....”
Gently pushing my face up and tilting it to gaze up at you
“Are you listening now, little one?”
I nod my head, you pull my hair back just enough to grab my throat gently.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, Daddy.”
“Good girl.” You’re not upset or angry. There is no ego in your authority because it simply isn’t needed. You love me. I know you do. Which is why the fear is so fun.

You know I’m smiling. You can feel it across my face while you grip onto me. And while you enjoy my happiness, this isn’t the place nor the time for it to be expressed.
I need to be reminded of that
and so
You push deeper inside of me. Hold it there.
It hurts a little.
That’s ok.
I can take it.

I also have no choice. 

Because see, the thing about you is that you are never on mute.

It’s just that people aren’t fucking listening.