Shards

Tearing it all down and blowing it up was easier than I thought. Even knowing that everyone inside would be buried. The wreckage raining down and tearing through me. The soles of my feet laced with glass, wood, and tile as I peacefully walked away.

I tripped and fell on my own guilt. Hitting the ground hard.
I stayed down there for a while. My face felt warm as I took a moment to breathe. I rolled on my back to feel the sun on my skin, feeling shards of my own doing being pushed into my shoulder blades as I lay in silent stillness.

Time has since passed, but occasionally the sun will dance on the pieces that remain, reflecting colors on the walls.

“See that magenta? I earned that shit.”

Sometimes a fragment or two will fall out when a part of me heals. Other times I’m forced to feel the dig and burn if someone pushes on the right spot just so.
But what’s unbearable is when someone comes near. Agony in the inevitable pain of slicing someone else open….someone close to me. Someone that I love.

I can barely stand it.
but

I’m starting to get tired, and I ran out of bandaids a long time ago.