One Mug: The “Good Enough” Guide

There is a shame written between the lines of certain words that only those who have lived this experience are able to read.

There is a certain pride I feel as I look over and see one mug sitting on my kitchen counter. Because yesterday, there were at least seven. Some dirty, some kind of clean, others living in that “good enough” phase, and some that had been washed at some point but never made it into the cabinet directly above them. Regardless, up until this morning, for days, I did the best I could because several times I did not even have the energy or care to open the cabinet and put them away. I could not deal with the dirty ones in the sink or make the call on the “good enough” mugs.

There is a certain kind of apathy that holds hands with depression. It is far removed from procrastination because in those moments, there is no desire, care, or capacity to do anything beyond survival. Bare minimum, whatever that looks like for you.

There is also a great deal of shame. There are things I am desperately nervous to reveal to the reader because these are quite literally the life hacks I have found to get through depression. The deepest and lowest I have ever been. I made the decision to stick around just for a bit longer… well, if i’m going to do that, I have to figure this shit out one way or another. I'm going to share some of the life hacks that have helped me get through and maybe some words of wisdom that might help. Nothing about long walks, eating better, deep breaths, or the things people tell you when they do not understand where you are.

Truly, getting out of bed is a win for me. Showering is sometimes absolutely impossible. 

It is the shame accompanying that truth that makes the tears fall. The long sighs, terrorizing my brain with all that I am responsible for once my feet hit that floor. The devastation accompanying that make me want to sleep just so I do not have to deal with everything waiting for me.

In my moments, weeks, months, and years spent moving in and out of depression... the lowest moments/I have suffered. This one, in particular includes an added set of symptoms from a breakdown. We will address that at the end. Point being that throughout this time I have learned a few things. This recent bout has been extreme and unforgiving, and I am putting some shit on the line here because the amount of shame and judgment I am risking is real.

Even within that, there are still hacks I am not ready to put on paper.

Maybe one day I will write the whole book and not give a fuck about what image the public places me in. But for now, all I can offer is the goal of meeting you where you are.

Because this is life and you can no longer pretend. Sometimes you freeze in fear or give up altogether.

so

I figured out some shortcuts that have made life just a tiny bit easier. And I’ll share a couple a few of them here. This keeps it as an opening doorway into the book instead of making the mug itself the whole chapter.

The Bag System

1. A reusable bag filled with wet wipes, phone charger, my second stash of meds (the other ones are in my purse), tissues, a plastic bag for trash, 1-2 water bottles, a hoodie etc. a pair of underwear, deoterant, one use toothbrushes. Daily basics that would spare you from getting up. Take the bag with you wherever you go. It helps.

2. A garbage bag/a plastic bag that you put in your other bag or next to you, whatever. It travels with you throughout the day. You'd be surprised at how much trash you accumulate throughout the day. Wrappers, empty containers (from the fruit you had earlier, paper or empty envelope) - you can get a new bag whenever that one is full. If there is food in the current bag, do your best to throw it out. You can also use a big tupperwear container so it has a lid. Empty it at night.

3. The bullshit bag. This one is for the little stuff that you would normally put away. This should be a relatively large bag or purse. Throughout your day, you might find things on the floor. Sunglasses, a t-shirt that you wore for 3 days and threw on the floor, a hammer you found under the couch from that time where you xyz. Point is, that bag is for random shit so so you don't have to put it away right now. Put it in the bag and keep moving. One day, you'll put that shit away. Not now.

Communicating
Text yourself potential phrases, answers etc. so you don't have to think about responses to people later. Things that you can copy and paste:

- “I'm doing well, just really tired. Going to nap for a bit. Thanks for checking in on me, it means a lot Talk later.”

- “I really appreciate the offer, but right now I don't need anything. Thanks though!

- (this one is for the nosey people) I had something come up so im going to be out of work for a bit. It's too long to type lol. I'm good, i'll be back soon.”

- Sorry, I see your message, I just can't read it rn. I'm driving.

- Text me, I can't talk now but I can text.

- I'm so sorry, I cant make it tonight/tomorrow. I'm not feeling so good and I think I just need to stay home "Why, whats wrong?" nothing to worry about. Just need to rest. I'll text you tomorrow. Have fun!.

- Hey, im having difficulties speaking/listening right now. Can we talk later?" (for those that you trust)

- For those that you are bit removed from: Hey, can't chat right now, have a bunch of stuff going on. talk soon!"

* You can also use voice to text for those messages that are long and detailed. Like making a doctor's appointment, explaining symptoms, how to explain to loved ones what you are going through.

Sidenote: ChatGpt is your friend. Use prompts to have them come up with answers….

"hey, i'm not doing so well. I am in the process of taking some time off of work, in between jobs, or on PTO for a week etc. I need a list of possible things I can say to copy/paste for texts so I don’t have to keep answering the same question over and over."

"Can you list some easy, no effort foods? I'm just a little down and have no energy"
- Open up a fresh chat gpt note and paste " I am going to make this chat for shit that I need to remember later then text some things (ie: call dr by 4, set alarm for 3:30 to call dr, pick up meds, order x on amazon, cancel nail appointment)" you can revisit that chat anytime you want to, if you need to add things, remember things etc. This way, you can just open the chat to refresh your memory.

Memory
- Sometimes, you will forget routines or basic tasks. That's ok.
- If you find yourself frozen, confused, not remembering: your showering routine, your own phone number and anything in between. Put it in your phone or on paper. Or both!
- If it’s stressful to remember your own phone number, write it down, same with your address.

 “Get up trick”
If you do get up for any reason, have a little note or whatever on your phone. When you are sitting or laying down, several things will come accross your mind (Fill up water bottle, Throw away stack of mail, get socks, pee etc.) And put that all in your phone. This way when you have the energy to get up, you can do what you need to do in one foul swoop.

Hygiene
- for some of us it’s hard to shower. Lots of steps, movement, finding new clothes, just all of it.
- try to shower once a week if that’s all that you can handle. If more, then great! I am always scared to shower but when it’s said and done, I’m glad I did.
- if it’s a ‘no go’ and a fire couldn’t get you out of bed, use wet wipes. Ones meant for babies. Not Clorox.
- Brush your teeth every day. Even if you need to use those one off toothbrushes that you keep in your carry around bag. Not ideal, but it’s something
- Keep a pair of clean underwear and socks in your bag.
- Tampons too
- Lotion,
- hand sanitizer,
- wet wipes,
- napkins,
- Small towels

Food & Eating
- Buy plastic forks, paper plates (no cleaning),
- write down 1-3 safe foods (if they involve anything above toaster or microwave, think about and imagine future you making those dishes.)
- One Offs: Anything disposable, one offs (chips or fruit in containers) Pop Tarts, string cheese, (don’t order bagged salad, we know you won't eat that shit)- in this moment, don’t worry about calorie counting or any diet you have/had set for yourself. We are in survival mode at this point.
- Just try to accept that you are doing your best.

Containers/Food Storage
- keep all jars. Empty food jars, wash them use them bc they already have a lid.
- if you have enough energy, one day, just try to match a few lids to a few containers.
- Put containers/jars on the counter of your kitchen so you don’t have to reach for them.
- quick wash. If there was something trivial in the sink and you can’t bring yourself to wash it. Literally, put the lid on the container, put some water and soap and shake for a minute. Good enough.
- if you need to sweep up some crumbs or dirt or dust or whatever, have a broom and dustpan in each room. If you don’t have it in you to bend down and throw it away then fine, dust it all into one pile/corner and leave it for the one moment that you do. Then you can throw it away. As long as it’s not food… you get my drift.

Meds
- I don’t think this one is legal but fuck it. Put all of your meds into one container. Prescription, Tylenol/Advil, melatonin, Tums etc. put that in your carry around bag. You’ll always have your meds. If possible, make a small container to put in your purse with the same items. If you want to go by the book then that’s ok. Carry around the bottles in your bag.
- Use google or your pharmacy app to input what pill is which. “Oval, Orange Pill with 524 on one side and Z on the other” ..it will immediately pop up. If you’re on your pharmacy app, the instructions that your doc provided will be there. You can always call your practice and get them to email you instructions for each med. Or read them off slowly to you. Meds can get confusing. A lot of them look very similar.

Buzzwords & Special Places
- Before bed, I will look at each door and say “LOCKED FRONT, LOCKED BACK” my hair straightener: “Straightener off.” You are more likely to escape the panic moment that we all know and love
- Special places: Nope, we don’t have it in us to do that. If lotion is always in the back corner of the sink in your bathroom, keep it there. Do not put anything in a special space that you have to find later. Because you won’t.

Document, Document, Document
As much as you can, write/text yourself things like:
- dates of appointments, a log of how you felt, when you had an important convo. Documentation helps when you are in these situations. It is possible that you will forget the entire event, times, or dates.
- Documentation is also important if there is something to keep record of. If someone is mistreating you, log each day exactly what happened (even if its small or nothing) because they all add up.
- Dates, Times, Event etc. Same goes for emails – copy and paste chains of emails into a word doc.
- have a folder on your laptop that says “documents” and drag and drop everything. You can organize it or edit it later.
- Voice to text is a great option as well.
- Open up a chatgpt page and just start typing shit. Voice to text… whatever. Keep a log.

Shame
- I get it, I really do. You’re not the version of yourself that you’re used to.
- Feel it if you can but try to remember that you are listening to your body and loving the little child within you, the workaholic, the perfectionist, and the anxious and terrified person you have tried to live up to.
You know? If someone came to me and said that they were depressed, they feel like there is nothing left to give. If they told me that some days they couldn’t shower. I would meet them where they were at. To be honest, I think most of us would. No judgement. In fact, I think many of us would focus on making them feel that there was nothing to be embarrassed about

Mantra for “Just Can’t” Days
Many more nuggets to share, but for now I will leave you with this mantra. I made it up myself for on days when I have nothing left to give, I say this. I’m dead ass serious, don’t worry about when it will get done, how, or even imagine myself doing it. I say that and then let it the fuck go.

“Do you have to do it today? Then don’t.”


Conclusion
I can’t promise you that you will be alright, magically heal, or that your particular situation will get better but what I can promise you is that for right now, in this very fucking moment, you are doing your best. Whatever that looks like.