turning off the fan

sometimes
i’m nervous to hit the mute button on the tv 
and shut the fan off at night right before i go to sleep.

i get to work and when i press the “engine off” button, I reach for my coffee and bag. And then the music stops. Abruptly, leaving no remnants.

I turn off the faucet after brushing my teeth.
sudden, unrelenting, silence.

and in those moments
the ones right before the silence, I worry

because
they might force me 

to be with myself.