what a Relief

during the day, i’m fine
no matter what i promised her or myself
i don’t even think about it, really
there’s no anxiety, creeping thoughts, or random moments

where i worry…

…where i worry about my responsibility to her
even if we are on vacation, or just came back from a special event that night

it’s ok.

she might be ramped up and ready to go…
right next to me in bed, waiting
Awake.
i still don’t have to think about it
we don’t have to have a discussion the next day.
i never have to fake headaches

Actually, with her, i never have to fake anything at all

No need to clean or vacuum, set an ambiance or put on tight lingerie

because

i’m always her type
no matter
how much weight i’ve gained
whether i shaved or not
if i’m not really into it
or thinking about something else

we are never going to see a therapist about it
or dig deep into how often i’m with her
and after we’re done, no need to cuddle
or talk about our day
the stress of it all. luteal or not. sinks into the darkness once i turn off the lights

she’s my favorite
she’s better than you
because that’s her only job
that’s all she’s there for
to please me
only me

what a fucking Relief.